


Mind Games

by Rangergirl3



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Blood and Torture, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:09:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12624900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rangergirl3/pseuds/Rangergirl3
Summary: There's more than one way to break a person.





	Mind Games

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In the Hands of Hatred](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11637450) by [Haleykim84 (tristen84)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tristen84/pseuds/Haleykim84). 



> More Keith whump/hurt/comfort.
> 
> Rated 'M' to be safe, as it's rather intense.
> 
> Does contain some reference to a Season 4 plot reveal (so don't read if you don't want spoilers for S4).

When the door opened, Keith cowered away from the sound, or at least tried to.

_Noise was bad, noise meant someone was coming, noise meant pain, he didn’t want to get hurt again, please, not again, please, please, please -_

Then his chains clinked against the wall, and he froze in fear.

He couldn't stop whatever was coming.

* * *

At first, he couldn’t move.

 

 _"_ Keith, come on, the ambassador said we should go over here -"

A room underground. 

He'd looked around, confused, but then -

From out of nowhere, strong hands reached out, quick as lightning, fast, efficient, and before he could blink they'd locked a manacle into place around his right wrist.

He tried to break free, looking all around the dark room for the enemy, but the enemy moved with him, throwing him off balance. He hit the ground rolling, but then he was dragged a few feet backwards. 

He struggled, lashing out with his other fist, kicking out with both feet. 

He had to get out of this, out of whatever trap had just been sprung, so he could go and help Lance, but then his other wrist had been pulled behind his back. He tried to pull away from whoever held him, but whoever it was held him off-balance, just like he'd showed...

_...just like he'd showed...Lance...how to do it..._

_No, that wasn't right - Lance would never -_

But when he tried to shift his balance, his opponent countered his movement as easily as if their muscles had been flowing water, forcing Keith down onto both knees.

He’d still tried to fight against his unseen opponent, angry and hurt and confused, but he'd been taken by surprise, and he'd been captured swiftly.

He was on his knees, his wrists shackled behind his back to a metal ring half-way up the wall, and Lance...

Lance was stepping away from Keith, his usually friendly face harsh and cold. 

It scared him. 

“Lance  - this - this isn't - funny - what’re you d-"

* * *

Then he couldn’t talk. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed someone big and strong standing behind him, just as fingers, big and rough and harsh, wrapped around the lower half of his face and - and shoved something cold and metallic and **sharp** between his teeth.

He tried to ask what was going on, **why** were they **doing** this -  what had he done, why were they so **angry** at him - but then, cruel and brutally effective, the same hands moved so that they held his face like a vise, and then forced his jaws to clamp tight shut so the bit - ohgoditwasabit - cut deep into his tongue.

It bled, and hurt, but what was worse than the physical pain was that it was - 

_Hunk._

Keith didn't understand.

Hunk, the kindest, gentlest person on the entire team, was - was _hurting_ him. 

_But why -_

Lance was talking now. 

"Finally. I thought we'd never catch the spy."

Keith felt his shoulders begin to quiver in sudden fear. 

_...spy...?_

_No...no...there had to be some mistake - he wasn't a spy - he wasn't -_

But Hunk's grip only tightened, and the fresh wave of pain caused Keith to freeze into place, not so much out of fear this time as in sheer, startled reaction to the pain.

Hunk was talking now too.

"It's about time he got what was coming to him."

Keith shook his head, because that was all he could do. With the bit in his mouth, he couldn't talk, he couldn't even make an intelligible sound, but he shook his head, all the same.

_no - I'm - not a spy - I'm not - please - please - I'm **not** -_

He felt sure that at any second, one of them - or both of them _\- please let it be both of them -_ would finally realize this - this joke _\- it had to be a joke, it had to be -_ wasn't  - funny - please - _it wasn't funny at all_ -

Lance's voice again, so different than usual. Colder. Harsher.

"Allura and Coran will be here soon."

Keith looked back up at Lance then. He knew his eyes must have gone wide in confusion.

_\- what - what are you talking ab-_

"Not Shiro, though?" Hunk asked, and at that, Keith tried to break free from Hunk's grip, so that he could at least _try_ to talk, but Hunk's grip went _tighter_ , so _tight_ Keith felt and _heard_ his jaw crack, and he couldn't help it.

He cried out, and this time, he tasted the blood trickling down his throat, from where the bit had dug cruelly into his tongue.

At that awful, gurgling sound, and at the coppery taste, Keith panicked. 

He tried to thrash free from Hunk's vise-like grip, he tried to kick out at one of Lance's ankles, to get _away_ from here, to go find Shiro and figure out what the _hell_ was going on, but he was outnumbered, and they had the advantage over him. 

As he struggled, the bit tore and scraped at the roof of his mouth, and it hurt. It _hurt_ , and he screamed again.

It wasn't a very loud scream, but they forced a mask onto his face all the same.

He fought against it, but they only laughed at him.

That hurt worst of all.

He'd thought they were his _friends_. 

But no matter how hard he struggled, Hunk held his head still, and Lance put the mask on, and together, they buckled it into place. 

He tried again to cry out, to beg them to stop - it hurt - it hurt - it _hurt_ \- but neither of them listened.

Once the mask was on, they told him that Shiro wasn't coming, that he couldn't stand to even look at Keith anymore. 

"You're a _Galra_." Lance snarled, his face right up against Keith's own. His hands were clenched into fists, and he looked ready to strike Keith given the slightest provocation.

Hunk twisted his grip on Keith's hair, bringing his eyes to meet Hunk's own. The Yellow Paladin's face was chalk-white, and he looked simultaneously nauseated and furious. 

"Do you know what they _did_ to him in captivity?"

Keith felt tears come to his eyes, and he wished he could look away from them both.

He hadn't wanted to think about what kind of awful things Shiro had suffered.

But Shiro had said he didn't blame Keith for any of that...right...?

 _...or had he just....been imagining that everything was the same.._..

Shiro, his best friend.

He wasn't going to come.

... _no_...

He tried to make eye contact with them, to tell them that he wasn't a spy, he wasn't a traitor, he wasn't - he wasn't -

And just for a second, he thought that both Lance and Hunk looked...almost like...they were...wavering in an out of focus...

* * *

But then, he couldn’t see. 

 

Smaller hands, from behind, tying something around his eyes so that he wouldn’t be able to guess where the next round of pain and betrayal was coming from.  

He tried to loosen the blindfold by shaking his head from side to side, desperate, scared, panicked jerks of his head, but then a voice he'd once hoped to hear spoke.

Pidge’s voice, cold and scientific. 

“I don’t want your **Galra** eyes looking at us.”

* * *

_Sounds, looping in and out of his understanding._

'Do you think this will work?'

'He's only part-Galra - give him more.'

'That could kill him - or break his mind entirely -'

'We need the test results. And besides, you know how the Blade is. Knowledge or death. It's only fitting this one lives up to his vow, even if it isn't in the service of the Blade.'

'It seems a harsh mantra to live by. This one's barely more than a cub.'

' _Enough_ of your sympathy for the enemy - just shut up and administer the dose.'

'Yes, sir.'

* * *

Coran and Allura came, and they...they told him he was a traitor. He was a spy. 

He was their mortal enemy.

Footsteps rang out, heading away, further away, always further away. 

A door slammed shut.

Keith felt his heart shatter and break into pieces. 

Shiro wasn't coming.

Shiro didn’t want anything to do with him.

His best friend…couldn’t…stand…to even… _look_ …at…him…anymore…

Keith felt himself sag forwards, the chains securing his wrists to the wall the only thing keeping him upright.

He was chained, on his knees, blindfolded, muzzled, in a cold, dark room, with people who...

_...hated him..._

They all hated him, now, but...

_...why..._

_Please, I don't understand - I don't - understand - I'm not a spy - I'm not - I - I didn't want - to be part-Galra - please -_

As he felt his face screw up into misery, and confusion, and hurt, and pain, he heard a few more jeers from Lance, a harsh laugh from Hunk.

He made one final rally, tried to say _Katie's_ name, to connect with her - to tell her that he - he hadn’t wanted to be - part-Galra - he - he’d wanted - he’d wanted - to - be - part of - he’d - thought - he was - part of a - 

But he wasn’t. 

He was a prisoner, chained up, blindfolded, muzzled, and awaiting experimentation like - like an -  

 _Animal._  

_They - they thought - he was - that he -_

It was only then that Keith finally started to cry. 

* * *

' _Fascinating.'_

_'Sir?'_

_'Nothing. Proceed.'_

* * *

At first, he tried to keep the others from noticing…to maintain whatever ragged self-respect he had left…but…

A jab of a finger, sharp and unkind, on one side of his face, at the tear tracks that had run down from underneath the blindfold, a laugh as cold as icicles piercing the air around him.

“Look at him! He’s _crying_ **!** "

… _Lance_ …

A scornful snort of agreement. Then a heavy hand gripped Keith’s chin and forced his head up, making his neck rotate so his face - what little remained visible underneath the muzzle and blindfold - could be examined. 

“Didn't think _Galra_ cried. Maybe it’s a hard-wired human reaction?”

 _…Hunk..._  

Keith could have fought against it, but he didn't bother. He barely registered the pain when another hand, a smaller one, pushed Hunk's fingers away and scraped some of his skin off in the process, almost as if she'd done it on purpose, to take cell samples for a laboratory experiment.

“Doesn’t matter. He’s nothing to us now but data.”

 _…Katie…_ ** _Katie_ ** _…_

Keith tried, he tried _so_ hard, not to cry at that, but it was too much. He felt his shoulders heave once, then twice, and before he knew it, his entire body was shuddering with sobs.

He felt as if his heart would break.

_Lance._

_Hunk._

_Pidge._

_Shiro._  

_Coran._

_Allura._

_His team._

_His family._

_They were gone._

_He couldn’t move. He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t fight. He couldn’t get away._

_But…._

_They hated him._

_He was alone._

_Again._

* * *

'Sir, it seems a homing beacon has latched onto our ship.'

'That's impossible - I made absolutely certain that-'

'All hands to battle stations. I repeat, all hands to battle stations.'

'We're out of time. Increase the dosage, now.'

'Sir, if they find him dead-"

"Oh, _believe_ me, by the time this toxin is finished, he'll find death to be a mercy. Increase the dosage, _now_.'

"...yes, sir."

* * *

 _"Aw_ , is the big bad Galra spy _sad_ he got _caught_?” taunted Lance. Keith could feel the Blue Paladin’s presence nearby, close enough to hear the rustle of Lance’s clothing when he moved, but he didn’t react.  

Nothing he did would ever make any difference. 

He was Galra.

Shiro would never forgive him.

Allura and Coran would never forgive him.

_...Red...would never...accept him...again..._

_He would be alone._

_Forever._

Lance stepped closer, his voice growing angry. 

“Hey, you fucking _traitor_ , I asked you a _question_!”

A slap upside the face, an open-palm one, powerful enough to feel through the mask. 

Keith felt his head rock to one side, but he couldn’t keep the tears from continuing to roll down his face.

It felt like they would never stop falling.

He couldn’t answer, and even if he could, they wouldn’t have listened. 

_He wasn’t a spy - he wasn’t - he - wasn’t - he’d only - ever wanted -_

Hunk’s voice from his other side, sharp and angry and frightening in its intensity.

“You came to Earth to _spy_ on us, didn’t you? Get the Blue Lion, help you find the others.”

Keith sensed the change in pressure when Hunk stepped forwards, coming closer. Anger blazed in the room, and it was all aimed directly at him.

“Was it _fun_ , _pretending_ to be our _friend_? _Pretending_ to go full-out against Zarkon and the Galra?”

Keith _knew_ they wouldn’t believe him, but he shook his head, once, as definite a motion as he could manage. 

Katie’s voice, from so nearby it hurt his ear when she snarled. 

“ **BULLSHIT**!”

Something sharp and hissing, green and florescent sliced through the blindfold, burning his skin, and as it fell down from his eyes, furious brown eyes glared straight into his own, angry and filled with tears. 

“You _knew_ ,” she snarled into his face. “You - _knew_ \- that they - had my brother - and - my father - and you said _nothing_ -”

He shook his head again, but even as he did, as he looked back at her, he wished he were dead.

He wished he had died before seeing the hate in their eyes when they looked at him.

Something Pidge saw in his eyes infuriated her. She _screamed_ , striking at him with her bayard, and the fizzing green energy sliced a diagonal burn mark across his face, slicing all the way across, starting at his chin, up and across his mouth, _barely_ missing his nose, and ending just under his left eyebrow, millimeters from the eye itself.

He arched his back and _screamed_ as his muscles spasmed painfully. The burn mark on his face kept burning even after Pidge took away her bayard, searing, etching itself into his blood and bone and muscle forever, an indelible mark of their hatred.

  
The muzzle fell off, sparking and whirring, but the bit only dragged and tore deeper into his tongue, and he gagged and wrenched his face to one side, trying to dislodge the horrible thing before it could hurt him anymore -

  
But someone was pushing him back up against the wall, and other hands were forcing his jaw tight shut again.

  
He fought then, he fought as hard as he could, but it was useless. The hands only tightened their grip, and when he tried to break free again, _more_ hands came, and another mask came towards his face.

  
At that, Keith finally found his voice.

  
"No - no - p-please -"

  
Someone's grip slipped, the blood everywhere making it hard to keep a tight hold on him, and he wrenched his face away, and he tried again to look at one of them, any of them.

_please believe me - please believe me - you've got to believe me - please -_

  
“…p…pl…ease…k..ka…”

  
Then _more_ hands came, and soon, the muzzle was on again.

  
Even as the hands tightened the final strap back into place, Keith wished he could have screamed wordlessly in fury and despair, but he knew none of them would listen.

  
None of them would care.

So instead, he just tried to make himself as small as possible, but it hurt, it hurt too much and he couldn't even try to be brave anymore.

There was blood in his mouth now, lots of it, too much to just ignore. He tried to swallow it, but there was just too _much_ of it. So he coughed instead, and it spattered out from behind the mask, getting everywhere, making a mess, he was sure...

But he didn’t have the energy to keep his head up now...but he… _didn’t_ …want to bleed…all…over…Katie…because…his blood…was…

...tainted...

They'd...said it was...tainted... 

* * *

'Filthy Galra scum, if you bleed on me again I’ll burn the wound shut, you got that?’

“…he's coming out of it…quick, put him back under…”

* * *

Keith whimpered, and he was almost glad when his vision went blurry, then white at the edges. The sounds around him were looping in in and out of focus. 

* * *

“-hurry you fool they’ll find us in moments -“

* * *

  _He felt so sick._

_He felt so alone._

_Blood kept welling up from the cuts and burns, dribbling down his chin to pool on the floor. The forms around him flickered, as if he were waking from a dream…_

_…dream…?_

_…no…a…nightmare…._

_He…hoped…this…was a…nightmare…but...it was impossible to tell anymore..._

* * *

Yellow boots came to stand in front of him. He shrank back towards the wall, away from them, looked up in fear at Hunk’s cold and unsmiling face. 

“Stop whining,” the Yellow Paladin said, and reached out, clamping a hand down hard over Keith's mouth and nose. “Or I’ll **make** you stop.”

At that, Keith bucked and jerked in mad, blind panic. 

 

_he wanted to breathe he needed to breathe_

_let me go let me go please please please let me go please please please I can’t breathe please please please_

 

After that, it had all been fragments.

Allura, walking away from him.

Coran, looking at him in disgust.

But Shiro never came.

 

After what seemed forever, the fragments of his vision faded into black.

 

He was glad he couldn't see anything anymore. 

 

It meant he couldn't see it when they looked at him with revulsion.

* * *

Now, the door opened, and Keith shrank away from the noise.

As much as he tried, he couldn’t hold back a whimper as he heard _their_ footsteps come racing into the room.

 _I can’t,_ Keith thought. _I can’t go through it again. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t._

At some point, the blindfold had been tied over his eyes again, so he didn't know who it was, who was coming near him this time - 

Hands, small hands, reached out, touched his face, fumbled with the lock to the muzzle. 

“I’ll kill them for this - I swear to _God_ \- I’m gonna do it, I’m going to -”

But Keith had recoiled from the touch automatically, because it was _her_ , and when _she_ reached for his face again, he screamed, and immediately regretted it when his scream became a gurgle, because there was too much blood to swallow, so when it dribbled down from behind the mask there was a yelp of horror from somewhere nearby.

_...Pidge...no...no...no...get away from me....get away from me..._

“Ohgodohgodohgod, Keith, Keith, it’s okay, just breathe, we’re getting you out, we’re here, it’s okay - here - I’ll take the blindfold off so you can see, oka-”

But as she untied the blindfold, Keith went cold with fear, remembering her icy, analytical words from only a short time before.

 _\- I don’t want your_ **_Galra_ ** _eyes looking at us -_

So when the blindfold was gone, he kept his eyes shut, his face turned away from her, his shoulders tense and tight, and he wished he could just lie on the ground and hide his face entirely, because she hated him, she hated him, she never wanted to see his face again -

“…Keith…?” 

Pidge’s voice was confused, almost scared. 

“Keith, why - why won’t you look at me?" 

He didn’t dare answer. She’d get mad, and hurt him, maybe take an eye this time, and he couldn't get away from her, not until his hands were free - not unless he could get to his feet -

There was a sniff, and Katie said, in a more subdued tone, “…uh…okay…um I’m…going to get that…awful mask off now, okay?” 

When he made no move to stop her, she did so. She talked as she was doing so, as if she were trying to fill the silence until he could contribute.

“Okay, listen, I know you did some pretty awesome destructive missions with the Blade, but trust me, you ain’t seen _nothing_ till you see the wreck of the Alyaplain ship we left behind us on our way to get you out of here - I mean, sure, you were unconscious when they grabbed you down on the surface so you probably didn’t see anything around the ship anyway - uh - I mean - um - before we turned it into powder and stardust - okay - that’s it - I think I've go-"

But as she tried to remove the mask, the bit dug deeper into his tongue again, and Keith’s resolve to stay quiet broke. He cried out, trying to curl tighter into himself, and immediately Pidge stopped, and her voice moved as she scurried around to stand in front of him. 

“Keith - what’s wrong - can you - can you show me -” 

He shook his head, once, keeping his head down, his eyes tight shut, feeling fear wash through him even at that small gesture of denial. 

_She'll get mad, she'll get mad and she'll hurt me again -_

Despite his efforts to keep his face hidden, she was persistent. He felt her hands pull gently but insistently at his face, trying to raise his chin so she could look him in the eyes.  

"-please - Keith - you're bleeding - there's - so much blood - please - I want to help - "

_-bleed on me again Galra scum and I'll burn your wound shut -_

_No, no, please, it hurt, please, please, no -_

He heard a gargling whimper, and it took him a few seconds to realize it came from him.

_They laughed when he made that sound, they laughed - or they got angry - neither was good - both were bad -_

But Pidge didn't sound mad when she spoke again.

In fact, it sounded like she wanted to cry.

"- please - Keith - I can help - please - just - let me look - okay - I promise - I'll be careful - "

He shook his head again.

He didn't trust her. 

She was only _pretending_ to be his friend - just like _before_ - 

But then there was a gasp of outrage from somewhere nearby, and then someone else had clambered into the room.

At the familiar voice, Keith tensed again, starting to tremble.

_Lance._

_Lance was mad, Lance was mad, Lance was going to -_

"What the _fuck_ did they do to him?! 

Another voice, one he knew almost as well. 

"Ohmygod - _Keith_!"

As the Blue and Yellow Paladins' footsteps raced closer, Keith couldn't help it. 

He hunched his shoulders, ducked his head, tried to hide from the noise and the movement and the people all around him, and when he did, the bit tore deeper, deeper, _deeper_ , and it hurt, it hurt, it _hurt_ , and he tried, again, to spit out the blood without making too much noise.

_\- but he couldn't make it stop hurting -_

One of the others let out a muffled shriek of horror, and then _three_  pairs of hands were touching him, and he shrank back from them, shaking his head, an insistent but unheard _no, stop, get away from me, leave me alone, leave me alone, nonononono-_

Gloved hands took hold of his face, one on each temple, and Keith shuddered at the touch, tried to pull away again, but the grip was strong, and the voices were still talking.

"-get the cuffs off him, Pidge, his wrists are - "

"-lready tried that, Lance, it needs a key or something, Kolivan's looking for it, but we can't take the cuffs off until then -"

"He's _really_ freaking out, guys -"

At that, Keith tried to snarl at them all, to tell them to leave him the _hell_ alone, because they'd done this to him in the first place, they'd lured him here and left him here, _alone_ , and he wasn't falling for their sympathy this time, so just get the _fuck_ away from him-

"-Pidge, please hurry up with that mask thing, he's totally freaking out - oh - oh my God - Keith - buddy - please, we're gonna get you out of here, okay? We just - we just want to help you stop hurting - it's us - okay? It's us, man, you don't have to be scared of-"  

Hunk's voice was concerned, but Keith remembered its' cruelty. He tried to wrench his face away, but another pair of hands pressed his shoulders back against the wall, keeping him off-balance - 

_\- just like before - just like before - nonononono-_

Lance, his words coming as easily as Keith remembered. "Here, Pidge, I'll - I'll hold him still - so you can - " 

Keith tried, _again_ , to regain his balance, to sit up, to wrench away from Hunk and Lance's grip, but it was useless.

He was trapped, again.

They were going to hurt him, again. 

He still hadn't looked at any of them, but he didn't need to.

_He didn't want to look at any of them._

Hunk was on one side, holding Keith's face in his hands - just like last time - Lance was at his other side, pushing Keith into a half-sitting, half-lying position against the wall, his hands still cuffed behind him, and Pidge - 

Pidge, kneeling in front of him, her hands small and quick as her fingers flew over his face, trying to tell him it was all fine, that there was nothing to be scared about, because they were going to help him now, so it was okay, they were all here - 

At that, Keith opened one eye, the one that she hadn't almost put out, and _glared_  up at her, just for a second. 

 ** _Liar_**.

She didn't seem to notice, because he shut his eye before she could look back at him.

But he did his best to keep his face averted from her, from the others, because he _didn't want to see them_. 

 

He even tried to keep his teeth clenched tight shut, but he couldn't win.

Hunk's fingers moved deftly, swiftly, and did something to the hinge joint that made Keith's jaw unclench just enough for Katie to insert part of the handle of a bayard's gripguard to keep Keith's jaw open.

"Sorry, Keith, I just - I don't want you to bite me, okay -"

Keith couldn't talk, even if he wanted to, but he tried to kick out at her with one of his legs, and Katie promptly fired the green wire from her bayard at his legs, tangling them up so they were immobile once again. 

"Keith, seriously, _stop_ _it_ , we're trying to help you -"

Keith felt more tears come into his eyes then, and all he could do was try to shake his head, but even that small gesture was denied him. Lance and Hunk only tightened their grips on him as small hands touched his chin, his teeth, and began to gently examine his tongue. 

Fingertips brushed against the gouged and bloody lacerations left by the bit, and he tried and failed to pull away from her, completely unable to keep from trembling in reaction to the fresh wave of agony her touch brought him. She pressed on, and he tried and failed to hold back an ungodly half-scream as the pain increased.

Hunk swore, Lance cursed, and Pidge muttered an obscenity, but she soon took careful hold of the sharp, cruel, wickedly-curved piece of metal.

"Okay - I've got it - keep him steady, guys, this is going to hurt -"

_nononononononono_

Keith tried one last time to break the grip that held him in place, but it held firm. 

When Pidge pulled at the bit, she did so carefully, but forcefully. 

Keith screamed again at the agony it brought him and tried to writhe free, but they were all too strong, and he was in too much pain to fight like he normally did.

If Pidge hadn't wedged his jaw open, she might have lost three fingers.

As it was, she had to stop, breathe in through her nose, and steel herself for the next try. This time, it was a slow, steady pull. 

She only managed to do it for two seconds because he cried out again half-way through it. It was an awful, gurgling noise, and Keith thought that maybe Pidge was going to yell at him for being so weak - or Hunk would - or Lance - or maybe Allura -

But instead, he felt a hand smooth some back of his hair. It was so unexpected, he flinched in fright from it, and someone swallowed before taking their hand away.

Keith knew he was shaking, and crying, and whimpering, but he couldn't help it. 

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, and they weren't letting him go - 

_Please - don't do this - please - let me go - please -_

Katie’s voice was shaky, but encouraging. 

“-'re doing great, Keith, okay, last time, okay? "

He managed a weak, piteous moan in reply, but she clearly didn't take it as the 'no, _please_ , no,' as it was meant.

"R-right," she said, and with that, she gave a final, harsh, yank that brought the bit out.

Immediately after it was done, Hunk and Lance let him go and scrambled to get out of the way.

Keith wrenched himself back into a semi-keeling position, overbalanced, and fell onto his left side. 

He spat out several mouthfuls of blood, then clenched his teeth and just _screamed_ , mindlessly, wordlessly, in sheer agony, writhing as he did so.

There was a gasp of dismay, a muttered expletive, and then people were by his side, and he tried, _again_ , to get _away_ from them, to make himself a smaller target, but it didn't work this time - someone was - holding him close - like - they wanted to help -

_no - not help - hurt - they wanted to hurt him - crush him - no - no - **no** -_

He panicked, tried to kick out at whoever was nearby - but his wrists were still chained behind his back - and his legs were tangled in the green wire from the bayard - 

_it's too much - I can't - breathe -_

A voice he'd last heard laughing at his frantic attempts to survive sounded right by him.

"Guys, this is bad - this is really,  _really_ bad - it's like - it's like he doesn't know it's us -"

 _\- no - no - no - let me go -_   _let me **go** - _

Other hands gripped him by the shoulders, and Keith thought it was Lance, because whoever it was helped Hunk to keep him still, and then Keith started to cry again, he couldn't help it.

" _Damn_ it," Lance said, and he sounded so _different_ from just a short time ago.

 "What did they _do_ to him - it's like he thinks we'd hurt him-"

Lance sounded like he _cared,_ andKeith _hated_ him for it, for that easy duplicity that cut so deeply, worse than a cold, sharp, metal blade. 

But the rest of Lance's words were drowned out by an overwhelming panic, an urge to get away, to break free, to run, run now, run and never look back.

_\- no - it **was** \- you - who hurt me - you **all** \- tried - to kill me - _

Keith managed a snarl, tried to fight free of them, but they were too strong.  Just like before, they didn't loosen their grip, and just like before, he couldn't keep from begging them to let him go, please, please, _please_ - 

_\- please - please let go - please -_

Then a third person was talking to the others, something about what she'd found in - the lab - 

_\- please - just let me go - please -_

The two grips holding him slackened, and he _finally_ managed to get away from them, for whatever little that was worth. 

His wrists were still chained behind his back, so all he could really do was pull away from them, as far as he could before the chain went taunt. It wasn't very far away from where _they_ were, but it would have to be enough.

He didn't have the energy to sit back up again, but he did put his back to the wall and tried his best to curl up into a fetal position, so that he could hide as much as possible from the other people in the room.

His weapons were gone. 

 _They_ stood between him and the door. 

 

After what seemed an endless amount of time, someone said his name, very softly, very quietly. 

He ignored _her_. 

He knew that was only a trick, that Katie hated him, she only wanted data from him now, he wasn’t part of -

"...Keith... _please_...tell us what's wrong..."

But he couldn't even look at them. 

He just curled tighter into himself, trying not to cry, or start screaming again in pain.

He wasn't sure when she came closer, but then Katie was there, kneeling by his head.

A hand reached out for his arm, but he jerked away, panting for air, and he only realized he was still crying when he screamed at them, the words he'd wanted to scream after they'd buckled that fucking muzzle over his face, not so long ago.

"JUST GET OUT OF HERE!" he yelled. His heart hurt, but he should have known he couldn't trust anyone. 

_People let you down, that's what they did, they left you, and you were all alone, no matter what you did, or what you said, you would **always** end up alone - _

His head felt too heavy, and his lungs weren't working the way they should have. 

"JUST GET OUT AND LEAVE ME _ALONE_!"

He kept his eyes shut, because they didn't want him to look at them.

None of them wanted to see his Galra eyes.

Then something fell onto his face. Something…that…felt like...tears...?

 _No_ , he _still_ wasn’t going to look at her. 

She thought he was a traitor. 

She didn’t want to see his eyes. 

* * *

_\- they don't want you - you're nothing - you're worthless -_

_\- no one will even notice you're gone -_  

* * *

"Just - just _leave_ ," he rasped. His voice was almost gone, but he had to tell them. "I _know_ \- that none of you trust me - I _know_ \- you want me dead - so just - go."

He didn't want to look at them. 

He _never_ wanted to see them again.

He curled tighter into himself, trying his best to hide from everyone, from everything.

"...should've...hit...the barrier..." he said, and before he realized it, he'd said more. "...would've...been...better..."

There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever.

“…oh… _god_ …” 

Hunk’s voice was heartbroken.

Keith didn't bother replying to that. 

There really wasn't anything to say.

There was a clink of glass from somewhere nearby, and then Lance spoke. He sounded like he wanted to cry.

“…they…they already tested the nightmare toxin…so..." 

 _Right,_ Keith thought. _**Nightmare** toxin. **Great** excuse. But I'm not stupid. You can't fool me -_

When Pidge spoke, she sounded like she wanted to kill someone. 

"...damn them...they used it on him...and...and..."

She broke off. 

Then, she did something Keith hadn't expected. 

She moved away from him.

_...what...?_

She was talking to the others. 

"Guys, give him space. It's - we're - we're what's scaring him."

There were two sharp intakes of breath, from Lance and Hunk. 

_...were...they...mocking...him...again...?_

"But wh-"

Hunk's voice cut off mid-word, and Keith felt his heart skip a few beats in fear. He curled into a tighter ball, afraid to move or even breathe too loudly.

 _Not good - not good - they were mad - Hunk was mad - no - please -_   _please -_

But Lance was saying something. 

"....they _used_ him...as a...test...subject...for their...war against the Galra...I...I'm going to kill them, Katie, I swear to God I will - "

"Lance, I promise, I will too, but right now, we've got to find an antidote or something - come on -"

Hunk's voice was set, sad. 

"...there isn't one, guys. I looked, already. I think...I think maybe...it's...not something...that has one...I mean...nightmares...they...just..."

Keith still kept himself curled as tight as he could, but a faint hope was flickering inside his heart. 

_…nightmares…nightmare....toxin..._

Echoes of memory flickered to life inside his mind's eye.

* * *

Heading back from the amabassador's meeting, feeling tired. More tired than he should have.

...drugged...?

The attack from the shadows.

Waking up chained to a chair inside a dark room.

Bright lights in his eyes.

Pale, long-fingered hands, taking his blood, preparing a syringe with some kind of dark red liquid, someone rolling up his sleeve.

"W-what - what are y-"

The needle's sting. Dizziness. Headache. Vomiting. 

Thirst. Exhaustion. Pain behind his eyes, searing, awful, dehabilitating.

Knowing just enough to feel scared, to still _fight_ when his captors talked about 'test subject'.

_\- have to hurry - they're already looking for him -_

"Let _go_ of me - let - _go_ \- "

Hands, cold, uncaring, gripping his face, holding him down, voices harsh and distant. 

_\- time for the procedure -_

An oxygen mask coming towards him.

He'd been angry until then...but then anger turned into...

Fear. 

Mind-numbing, paralytic _fear_.

" _No_! No, _please_  -"

...then the mask...followed by...nothing...until...

Until he thought he'd been talking to Lance.

* * *

 ...no... _not_...to Lance...

...but to the...people who had taken him...

.... _pretending_ to be...his friends...

...so they could...bring his nightmares to life...so they could...see what it did...to a Galra...

* * *

When Katie spoke, it was clear she already knew the answer to the question.

“…you…saw… _us_ …didn't you...in...in the nightmare...”

Her voice was wavering, but the Katie _he_ knew was strong, a lot stronger than she looked. If - if it was her - _really_ her - she - could handle it.

He nodded, once, harsh and short. 

His tongue hadn't been mangled enough to completely prevent speech, so he tried. 

"...uh..uh-huh..."

Dammit. 

He really couldn't manage much more than that.

Lance guessed it first.

"...it was...us...in the nightmare, wasn't it? Who...who hurt..."

Keith nodded again, short, harsh. He still couldn't look at them.

Every time he thought of trying, he saw the echoes of what _had_ been.

The hate in their eyes.

Their laughter when he'd screamed.

And...right there...at the end...

_\- can't breathe -_

The very memory was terrifyingly real. 

His breath hitched, and for a second, he forgot that he could breathe now, without difficulty.

Hunk swallowed before speaking. 

"...so...we...did... _this_...to you?"

Keith remembered to rasp in another gasp of air then, but he hurt too much to nod or move anymore. He just stayed still, curled into a ball, his wrists still pulled taunt behind him.

Pidge spoke next. When she did, her voice broke. 

“Oh, _Keith_.”

She wrapped him in a hug around the shoulders, and just held onto him. Lance and Hunk hovered nearby, uncertain of what to do.

She started crying right around the same time they did. 

That’s how the Blade found them. 

**Author's Note:**

> ...sometimes I hate myself...
> 
> #sorry/not sorry


End file.
